420 ftw
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
