He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
