there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
