I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just had sex bonerless
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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