Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
