Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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