So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
