everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
