I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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