Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
