I faked an abortion last night.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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