I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
