The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
