i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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