The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize