You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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