i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
