It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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