Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
