my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
