It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My bed smells like the plague
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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