So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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