so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
