Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
