you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
