Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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