Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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