pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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