I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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