I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
