I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
