dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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