Having a random hookup so left but love u
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
