apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were trust falling into bushes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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