I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
