Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
