i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
