This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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