It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
