I didn't shave. On purpose
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
