His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
