she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
