just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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