you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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