i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
