That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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