pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
