Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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