if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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