I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
