I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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