TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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