I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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