chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize