$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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