it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
