he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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