I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
