I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
