My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
