Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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