so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
