As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
