I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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