the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
