sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My feet surprised me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
