dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
