Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
